One and One makes Three
by Chrissie-Charlotte1981
Summary: This is my response to Lanie's Valentine's Challenge in the Fan fiction group to tell a story beginning with "Happy Valentine's Day," muttered a disgruntled (insert character name). Set after the show ended. Rated T for mild language.


Disclaimer: Scarecrow and Mrs. King is the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. This story is the property of my own imagination and is for entertainment purposes only! I retain the right to the plot, not the characters! No copyright infringement is intended!

Author's Note: This is my response to Lanie's Valentine's Challenge in the Fan fiction Group to tell a story beginning with "Happy Valentine's Day," muttered a disgruntled (insert character name). Set after the show ended.

I would like to ask the readers NOT to spoil the end in your reviews for those who haven't read yet. Thank you in advance.

Lanie, I want to thank you for your always kind help with your beta job.

One and One makes Three

February 14, 1988

"Happy Valentine's Day," muttered a disgruntled Lee Stetson as he entered his Q-Bureau, closing the door forcefully as he did so.

"Good morning and Happy Valentine's Day to you too, Lee," said Francine with an arched eyebrow as she looked up from Amanda's desk and took in the appearance of her obviously cranky co-worker and friend.

"Morning," he grumbled as he sat behind his desk, banging his empty coffee mug frustratingly onto the clattered surface, causing the pencils to roll off the desk.

"What did the mug do to you?" asked Francine as she shuffled the papers she had been working on together "Nothing, that's the damn problem, no coffee since I'm here," answered Lee grumpily.

"The coffeemaker in the Bullpen isn't working today and this thing here," he pointed at the coffee machine behind him, "has decided to die by calcification or God knows by what. It's just working anymore and I need my coffee ASAP!"

Everyone who had known Lee Stetson knew that he could get very dangerous without his daily dose of coffee. But Francine sensed that there was more behind his grumpiness as just the lack of coffee and she was determined to find out…

"Alright, Mr. Suburbia, what have you done this time to upset Mrs. Suburbia?" she asked, leaning back in the chair, picking up her pen to play with it absently. "Have you used the last piece of toilet paper without putting a new one ready? Or have you overstretched your bathroom manners in leaving the toilet seat open again?"

Lee looked startled at his friend. "What! No! Of course I did not. That was long time ago and where did you-" he stopped midsentence. "Wait a minute. She didn't tell you, did she?" he asked with a worried expression on his face.

Francine chuckled heartily. "God, Lee, you should listen to your ramble. You sound like Amanda."

"It's nice you finding this amusing, Francine. But I don't," he said matter-of-factly by running his hand through his hair like he always did when he was frustrated or helpless.

"This is pretty serious and I have absolutely no idea how to handle this situation for a change," he sighed. "You can put me through the roughest KGB interrogation, or send me on an assignment with Fred Fielder but this… this is the hardest nut I have ever been faced," said Lee and began pacing in front of his desk. Another old habit he did for the same reasons.

"You are not going to join the Golden Circle of the PTA are you?" snickered Francine first but by seeing Lee's not amused face, she mumbled, "Sorry, but it´s still so new to me that the two of you are not only together but married for one year and one day by now," she said, smiling sincerely and added "who have had thought that a simple housewife from the Arlington suburbs would tame the elusive Scarecrow?" This time it was Lee who was smiling but then his expression turned serious again.

"Francine, can I ask you a serious question? From uhhh…ex-boyfriend to ex-girlfriend?" asked Lee, stopping his pacing only for to pick up the pencils and putting them back onto his desk except for one he kept tightly in his hand. Before Francine could response Lee blurted it out, fiddling furiously with the pencil. "Have you ever been not satisfied in our short affair? Sexually, I mean. I mean have you ever got the impression of me not being enough creative?" he asked, breaking the pencil in two pieces as he waited impatiently for her answer. "Francine?" he stared at his friend who just stared back at him, open mouthed.

 _He didn't ask me that did he?_ Francine wondered. Still shocked, she cleared her throat loudly while she tried to processing the previous words. "Uhhhh. Why are you asking?"

"Why aren't you answering? Yes or no?"

"Well," began Francine" I remember one night where you had been falling asleep on the way from your living room to your bedroom because you were drun-"

"F-r-a-n-c-i-n-e!" Lee interrupted her by drawing her name out obviously frustrated.

"No."

"No, what?"

"No. you…uhh…always did a satisfying job. I've had nothing to complain about," she winked at him and added, "except for-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I mean I can barely remember but… thank you for reminding me," joked Lee half hearted.

"Anytime, Scarecrow," smiled Francine then her expression turned serious.

"Are you and Amanda having trouble…" she made a pause "…uhhh in that area of the pool?" she asked. Lee took a deep breath, planted himself at the edge of his table and told Francine what happened.

"I don't know how to go from there," he began, "but since four weeks Amanda seems to be another person. There is the way she looks at me every time our ways cross at work or in the field. And I'm not talking about normal looks I'm used to getting from her. It's almost like she's ready to jump me anyplace, anywhere and anytime, no matter who is around. Last week for example, we had been in my car on our way to the office when Amanda all of a sudden demanded to leave the main street at the next opportunity. I really had problems holding the car steady. And before I knew what happened she wasn't buckled anymore and…and…" he blushed as he remembered how she had touched him boldly when he had to stop at the red light. Francine's eyes got large at the image of Amanda trying to seduce Lee while he was driving. She must have really underestimated this woman!

"We have never had any problems in…well…the bedroom _or any other places,_ he added mentally, before. We always could talk about likes and dislikes, fantasies and anything else. But what she asked me last night has been keeping me from sleeping." With her eyes still large, Francine didn't dare to interrupt her friend. After all, the most interesting part was still to come.

Lee made a long pause before continuing with "She had in all seriousness asked what I would think about a change in the bedroom. And that not only after half an hour she had vocalized the shit out of my apartment walls which caused the neighbor to bang and yell at my door furiously!" finished Lee with a healthy blush.

"My, my, my," Francine let out the long breath she didn't realize she had been holding. "It's about time you two and the rest of your family find a new home fast, better yesterday than tomorrow and with soundproof walls at least" Francine added with a chuckle.

"Thank you so much for your sympathy, Francine," fired Lee back.

"Whenever you need it," she told him, blowing a kiss his way.

"Francine. You are a woman. What could Amanda have meant? I asked her but she wouldn't tell me. The only thing she did say was I should get used to more sounds and changes in our bedroom in the future and with that she left the bedroom because she got hungry, in the middle of the night for spiced cucumbers." He shook his head. "Women."

Francine felt like she got hit by a truck as realization dawned. _He doesn't know yet does he?_ She asked herself mentally. _Of course not, why else would he be sitting here in his office, breaking a pencil in two pieces and telling her, all of people, that his sex ego got a bump from a simple housewife turned spy?_ _Oh no!_ She decided to fool him a bit for all the pretty little lies he had told her over the last years.

"I don't know, Lee. Yes, I would say that I'm a woman but what Amanda is trying to tell you is even to me, to a fully trained spy a riddle. Maybe she wants to try some new positions or role playing games and I'm not talking about pen- and paper role-playing games. Maybe she wants that full package with varnish and leather and…a Black Betty" you know, Francine told him. She had a hard time not burst out into laughter as Lee gaped wide eyed at her.

"What!? B…Black Betty?" he asked hoarsely. "What the hell is that?"

"You don't know a Black Betty?" asked Francine surprised. "I thought a man with your reputation and skills know all the little special tricks to make a woman happily ever after," she winked at him.

"Stow it!" he grumbled. "Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Patience my friend," Francine grinned. "A Black Betty is nothing more than a rawhide."

"That's it?" asked Lee dumbfounded.

"Isn't that enough for you at the moment to deal with?" asked Francine back.

"Yeah it is. To be honest it is way too much right now. What I'm going to do now?" he asked concerned. "This woman truly is a challenge in every way and area," he added and let himself down behind his desk onto his chair.

"You are going to survive it, Scarecrow," said Francine and then she couldn't hold it back any longer and started to laugh uncontrollably.

"What!?"

"Nothing."

"You are lying! You know something, do you?" he snapped.

"No. I don't."

"You do. And I know it."

"No you don't and I don't do either."

"Huh?"

"Lee, I swear to you by my favorite chocolate that I really don't know a thing but-"

"Ha!" He pointed a finger her way. "Go on ahead," he pressed her. "I'm waiting."

"Are you so dense or what? Are you sure it's only your coffee machine that is calcified?" she asked him impatiently. "Hell, Lee, use that little brain that's left in your head. You only have to count one and one together." She picked up her stack of papers and walked towards the door, turning her head before she opened the door and said with a warming smile "I'm more than sure you will like all the changes." With that Francine had left the Q-Bureau.

 _Count one and one together_ , her words echoed in Lee's ears. He scratched his head, stood up and was about to leave his office for a little walk in the fresh February air to clear his head as he spotted the series of framed photos standing neatly at Amanda's desk. Smiling he picked up the first photo and looked at the happy newlywed couple that smiled back at him. He let his fingers wander over its glassy surface before he sat it down. Next to their wedding photo stood a photo showing them all together, including Joe and his second wife, Carrie. A third photo showed Phillip and Jamie as they were very little, they were sitting on Amanda's lap, laughing heartily. Lee sighed deeply and went towards the door. With Francine's words still present in his head he reached for the doorknob as a sudden thought let him stop dead in his tracks. "Oh my God," he said out loud as he turned around to grab Amanda's Agenda. Speedily he thumped through it as something fell out of it. Lee didn't give it more attention. He was too focused on his destination. Finally he had found the page he was looking for. He thumped forth and back, repeated it several times before he put the Agenda back on its place.

"Oh my God," he repeated his earlier words excitedly. This time he ran both hands through his already tousled hair, let out a deep breath and stared at the office floor to processing what he had just discovered. There was still lying what had fallen out of Amanda's Agenda earlier. Lee picked it up to examine it more closely. It was an old black and white photo of a beautiful little girl around the age of three. The girl's beautiful round brown eyes were shining like stars even from this old colorless photo and her dark curls were roaming her porcelain like face. The girl was standing in a beautiful obviously self built wooden crib and stretched her hand out to the person who took that photo. The girl was smiling and her smile was contagious. Lee had to smile back at that girl. Carefully he turned the photo over and his smile was replaced with tears of emotion as he read its dedication out loud.

"My dear little Panda I hope someday that this crib will lull your baby to sleep the same way it did with you. That you can watch your baby sleeping peacefully like I had watched you many times. I'll always love you with my heart and my soul. Daddy"


End file.
